Get Inside My Head

Oy. So I rented Phantom Menace. Thought perhaps I should watch it again--you know, give it a second chance, seeing as how it's been a couple of years now...maybe it'd be better the second time around. Holy God, what wishful thinking. I only got about 5 minutes into it before I couldn't take anymore (well, that and my mother was ordering me upstairs to go to sleep). Jesus, just about everything in that movie blows except for Ewan McGregor (who never ceases to amaze me with how uncannily accurate his Alec Guinness/Obi-Wan Kenobi accent and mannerisms are) and Liam Neeson. But the rest of the movie actually seems even more like a farce in contrast to these two actors. Honestly, the aliens are ridiculously fake, and WHERE IN THE HELL DO THEY FIND THE VOICE TALENT? AAaUGUGHGHGHHghghghghg!!!! Okay, first of all, the melodramatic villainous uber-intonation is 1. really goddamn annoying, and 2. not conducive to being taken seriously. At all. I mean, I feel like I'm watching a cartoon...or Dr. Evil in Austin Powers, where the evil-movie-bad-guy act actually works, because the movie is supposed to be a comedy. Moreover, what is with the accent of the Trade Federation baddies? For Christ's sake, they're ALIENS...if I can believe that there are dough-faced, robe-wearing extraterrestrials, I can believe that they speak perfect English. I don't need a faux-Asian accent to heighten believability here. And same goes for that goddamn Jar Jar fucking Binks and his Caribbean accent. Can we go back to the glory days of Episodes IV-VI, where the aliens either grunted and growled (a la Wookiee), squeaked and chattered (a la Ewok), or had their own damn subtitled language (a la Huttese)? Rewatching the first few minutes of this film has only reaffirmed my undeniably strong conviction that Phantom Menace is sorely out of place in the Star Wars legacy, and should never EVER be considered a true part of the series.

posted by Candace Pau 12/23/2001 01:48:10 AM

Randomness:

Article about Hugh Jackman in the newspaper today brought two things to my attention: 1. I ADORE period dress...why can't we live in the 19th century? 2. Whatever happened to chivalry? Again: why can't we live in the 19th century? I swear, I was born in the wrong era. (Watch, now I'm going to get ridiculous amounts of flak from all sorts of angry men, radical feminists and hoity-toity intellectuals. IT WAS JUST A CYNICAL REMARK IN A WEBLOG...GET OVER IT.)

Cool quote, allegedly posted on Samuel Beckett's wall: "Fail. Fail again. Fail better."

Have suddenly and without reason begun obsession with Matt Damon. Hmm, oh, no, wait. There was a reason: the trailer for The Bourne Identity. ::drool::



That's all.

posted by Candace Pau 12/22/2001 12:10:46 AM

Amusing:

One Christmas Eve a long, long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip, but nothing was going right. Four of his elves were sick, and the trainee elves did not make the toys as fast as the regular elves, so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then, Mrs. Claus told him that her mother was coming to visit. This stressed Santa out even more. Then, when he went to harness the reindeer, he found three of them were pregnant, and two more had jumped the fence. More stress.

Grumbling to himself, Santa began to load the sleigh, but one of the bags split open and all the toys fell out on the ground. Santa felt like he was going to explode. Fuming, he went back inside for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. But when he went to the cupboard, Santa discovered that the elves had drunk all the liquor and there was none left for him. In his frustration, Santa dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of pieces all over the kitchen floor.

His face red with rage, Santa went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw that it was made from. Just then, the doorbell rang, and Santa, cussing all the way, walked over and opened the door.

There, in the doorway, was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa! Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you...isn't it a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?"

And thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

[filched from The Oregonian]

posted by Candace Pau 12/21/2001 11:58:17 PM

Just finished watching The Sting again (I've gotten to that point where I've seen so many movies that I have no option but to start rewatching films, or start watching crappy films...both of which I've done since I've been home). Let me just say that The Sting is truly a classic. I'm a big, big fan of con movies, and this is one of the ultimates. And you really can't go wrong with Paul Newman and Robert Redford. The acting alone is worth two hours out of your life, not to mention a killer plot. QUALITY. They really don't make movies like that anymore, although I really need to see Ocean's Eleven.

Oh, another thing. Watched Stand By Me yesterday. First of all, that is an EXCELLENT movie. Despite my penchant for movies involving guns, spaceships, and/or shit blowing up, I'm a big sucker for moving coming-of-age films about the ties that bind. And I really must say, I LOVE Wil Wheaton. Hell, I might even start liking Wesley Crusher. Eh, or not. But really, the acting is unbelievable in that film, particularly when you consider that we're talking about 12 year olds here.

posted by Candace Pau 12/21/2001 11:43:20 PM

Eye appointment today. They had to test my tear production (since I have this extraordinarily annoying condition wherein my eyes are too dry), which involves sticking little pieces of filter paper in your eyes and leaving them there for 5 minutes. Let me tell you, that hurts like a MOTHER. I mean, getting an eyelash in your eye is pretty damn irritating, right? So make that eyelash 50 times wider with sharp corners, and you can imagine the agony I endured. Agony that was all for naught, I might add, because the conclusion was, "Hmm, yeah, your eyes are pretty dry. Try using some artificial tears." Uh, DUH? Yeah, thanks. That was positively enlightening. Anyway, at least it's good to know that aside from the fact that my eyes feel like my eyelids have been taped open while a blowdryer is aimed directly at my face, there is nothing significantly the matter with my optical health.

On a brighter note, I just rewatched Legends of the Fall for the first time since it came out in 1994 (lord...didn't realize it--or I--was that old). Whoa. That is a really, really good movie...with quality acting, beautiful cinematography, and a great story. There are definitely so many complexities and so much exploration of human nature and emotions that, of course, are not fully comprehensible to a 12 year old. No wonder the first time I saw this movie I was bored and confused. Oh, and now I finally understand the appeal of Tristan Ludlow. (I mean, it would have been kind of freaky if I had been attracted to a wild, passionate, tormented Brad Pitt as a 12 year old, right?) Ughghghghg. I can't even talk about Brad Pitt. The hotness is unspeakable. And not just the hotness...there is just that something about him...I want to say charm, or charisma, but neither of those words really capture that quality of his that makes every woman on earth wish she was Jennifer Aniston. Really need to see Ocean's Eleven.

posted by Candace Pau 12/19/2001 11:04:20 PM

Oh, scratch that last post. The banner ads are no more. Awwwww yeah. Off the heezy fo' sheezy. Heh heh.

Anyway, several things before I hit the sack:

1. I really dislike the term "hit the sack".
2. I DOMINATED my classes this past quarter. Hell yeah baby.
3. I will most likely be punished for such egotistical gloating.
4. My obsession with Chinese boy band Tension has, thankfully, waned.
5. My obsession with British pop group BBMak has, unfortunately, resurfaced, x 10000000000
6. I LOVE BBMAK.



7. I am completely and utterly hopeless and will never grow out of this ridiculous immaturity and pre-teen attachment to celebrities and pop culture and I will probably end up 40 years old and still living at home after failing to get into medical school because my grades were for shit due to said ridiculous immaturity and pre-teen attachment to celebrities and pop culture.
8. Think happy thoughts.

Alrighty, that's all for now. Perhaps more tomorrow, if I can muster up the energy and patience to deal with this goddamn e-Machines piece of shit laptop with--oh good god I can't even say it--32 MB RAM and a 56K modem. I ache for ethernet. On the upside, Operation Build-Self-Phat-Supercomputer is looking like it might potentially get off the ground. Oh man...P4 1.7 GHz, 512 MB RAM, 40 GB hard drive, DVD/CD-RW...Jesus, I need a cold shower. Um, ANYWAY...in the meantime, I'm getting seriously fat from all this eating and sleeping and watching movies. In the last four days, I've seen Spy Game, Rush Hour 2, Snatch, 15 Minutes, The Tailor of Panama, The Score, Bridget Jones's Diary (for the 3rd time...God I love that movie), The Emperor's New Groove, Tarzan, The Big Hit, The Next Best Thing, LA Confidential (for the 2nd time), and The Mummy (for the 32860983793678427th time). Does it get any better than this?

posted by Candace Pau 12/19/2001 02:11:59 AM

Yo. WTF? I just spent $35 to upgrade my goddamn hosting service to get rid of these irritating banner ads. Someone please explain to me why THEY ARE STILL HERE. This is really cheesing me off. Fo' sheezy.

Heh. Sorry. I just enjoy saying that.

posted by Candace Pau 12/19/2001 01:50:29 AM

The following is a public service announcement:

If you or someone you love is considering viewing the movies 15 Minutes or The Tailor of Panama, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PEOPLE DON'T DO IT. You will thank me later. All of the A-list, or for that matter B-list, actors who appear in either of them must have either been on crack or sold their souls to the director to have allowed their names to be even remotely associated with these movies. Oh wait. I can't really call them movies, can I? Because the word "movie" by definition implies that they had some sort of story, or plot, or purpose for existing. I strongly feel that the writers, directors, producers, and anyone else who had any sort of creative say in the making of these pathetic attempts at entertainment should never be allowed to come near a script again. Or a camera. Or actors. Or any other human beings at all. They should be locked away and forced to watch their own horrible horrible senseless work over and over and over, for the rest of their natural lives. This will perhaps be some small compensation for the millions of people who have wasted four plus hours of their lives that they will never EVER get back watching this garbage. Oh, oh, but that's not all...we all had to PAY--yes, PAY MONEY--to undergo this torture. Will someone please explain to me the logic in this? Does no one actually see these films before they are released to make sure that they aren't so terrible as to make you want to gouge out your eyeballs and shove them in your ears so you no longer have to be exposed to their incomprehensible badness? I'm convinced that this must be the work of Satan, or the mafia, or someone so powerful that writing this rant is probably, in retrospect, not such a wise thing to do. So I'll end here by saying, do yourself a favor and stay away from these movies. Go see Spy Game, or rent Snatch, and realize what quality filmmaking is truly about.

posted by Candace Pau 12/19/2001 01:43:31 AM

Just thought I'd waste some time while waiting patiently for some Matrix-like revelation to hit me, wherein I suddenly begin seeing the world as consisting of streaming green sequences of organic molecules.

Geek chic: Wil Wheaton Dot Net.

Hot boys singing: BBMak in Vietnam.

Monstrous time-sucking abyss: Snood.

Funny: The Onion.

Guilty pleasure: Popstars 2.

....

Hmph. Sudden chemical insight/genius remains elusive. Perhaps I should attempt to channel the spirit of some renowned organic chemist...like...CHICHIBABIN. Heh. Heh heh. ::snicker:: CHICHIBABIN. Go on...say it out loud. You know you want to.

Sorry. It's finals week, okay? Can't you just let me cling on to whatever sad, pathetic form of amusement I'm still able to find in this godforsaken hellhole?

posted by Candace Pau 12/8/2001 05:48:37 PM